i never thought i'd get drunk the nite before an exam and a midterm...woohoo for new experiences:) on another note, i feel sad right now, because i'm ridiculously relating my life to an episode of sex and the city i watched today. sometimes i feel like i'm not being put into anyone's agenda, particularly the one that i would most like to be included in...i think we all know that that agenda is bob's. and i'm not trying to use this to disparage bob or start a fight, i just sometimes feel like i dont' belong in his vast array of priorities. and i mean, that's ok, i don't expect to be on the forefront of his every action or word, mostly it's just the insecurity talking. but for example, we were talking tonite about spring break, and how it's allegedly the "last time i'll be able to go on spring break with these people." and how "trips build bonds between people." sadly, i feel as though i'm not important enough for him to feel like he needs to "build a bond" with. i know that's not true and i know we already have a strong bond, but i guess these things happen in different forms for each different person, and for once i'd like to feel like i'm an important part of his life in another form besides being there to fall asleep with or being there to watch television with. i mean, i dont' think bob has ever approached me and said "hey, me and you, let's take a trip together" or "let's go somewhere and be together and have fun together." and i'm not downplaying our already established relationship in any way, i love him with all my heart and i know how he feels about me. but i don't feel like i'm the person he would want to take a trip with, or do new, exciting things with, because i'm merely the girlfriend of 2 years who isn't going anywhere. i'm not the new relationship, i'm not the new girlfriend anymore, and i guess that just makes me feel like i've become obsolete in the sense that i'm just another step in a routine.

and bob, if you read this, i'm sorry if anything i've said offends you or makes you mad, but i'm drunk right now and feeling a little low and i dont 'think you'd be able to understand what i'm saying if i were to have said this to you in person, because i fuck things up when i talk....i think it comes across simpler and easier to understand when put into words. but then again, maybe not. i dont 'know, i can only say that this is what i'm feeling right this very minute, and it makes me a little sad. but i'm sorry nonetheless. i need to go to bed now.

"aw yeah, aw right, truth hurts inside.
aw yeah, aw right, you go around once in life.
everybody wants to be a part, everybody loves a situation.
who would ever wanna play the part of anonymous numbers on a governmental chart.
everybody wants to be your friend, when you've got something you can give them.
all i've seen, bad and good
she's not crazy just a little misunderstood."-better than ezra