sometimes i just want to punch everyone in the face, and sometimes i just want to punch certain people in the face, and sometimes i just want to punch myself in the face.

i just woke up from the worst dream i've had since i was probably 13 years old. i think i must've had a series of emotional cathartic episodes in my dreams as opposed to in a conscious state. i actually woke myself up because i was bawling so hard in my dream. oh my gosh that was awful!

THANK GOD IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN TIME!!! OK SO THAT'S IT, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE DAMNIT!! geez.

my new favorite love song...


I don't get many things right the first time.
In fact, I am told that a lot.
Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls
Brought me here.
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday.
And I know that I am, I am, I am the luckiest.

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on the street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
Would I know?
And in a wide sea of eyes I see one pair that I recognize.
And I know that I am, I am, I am the luckiest.

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties,
And one day passed away in his sleep.
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away.

I'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you
That I know we belong,
That I know that I am, I am, I am the luckiest.

-BEN FOLDS FIVE, the luckiest-

(j-wo you're the best)

i woke up this morning feeling like shit, as per the nite before, and was dreading walking all the way to work on such a gloomy, cold morning. but as i was walking i realized my mood was steadily improving because despite the crappy weather, it was really nice and quiet and i really do like walking to work because i try and take a different route every tiime so i get to see buildings and such that i wouldn't usually see. so that's fun. and then i got to work and i had fun with ali and the residents and it really gave me a chance to take my mind off of all the shit that's been building up inside it. i don't think i thought about bad things at all during my shift. then i proceeded to stay an hour later at work to talk to josh, this guy i work with, and it was just really really nice to talk to someone i don't really know that well and to just sit and chat about whatever. by the time i left work, i felt like a new person almost. and then i ran into mr. shipley on the way home and chatted with him for a bit about his "baby" and it was nice to talk to him as well. despite the bad weather and the being up early, i've had a really good day so far. just thought i'd share my little "victory" over my recent shitty attitude.

"and if you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down. cause all i really want is to be with you and feel like i matter too. if i hadn't blown the whole thing years ago, i might be here with you..."
-gin blossoms