when i sit down and really think about my life, i come to the realization that i have no fucking clue what's going on. it's always something different, and as of late, it hasnt' been necessarily a bad thing. but right this very moment i'm feeling very bitter with myself due to a combination of things. for example, i didn't do shit today and it makes me feel like shit. i have so much work i could be doing, but my procrastination knows no bounds, and therefore i end up doing nothing and i hate myself for it at the end of the day. so goes life, i suppose; i'm certainly not perfect. i just wish a lot of things were different i guess, and that makes me very frustrated when a damn thing doesnt' change. and i know i've rambled on about change and shit like that before, but i'm doing it again! i don't really know where this is going, i'd like to put down some other stuff, but i think it's a little too personal to be posted for everyone to read, so i won't. i just wish i could take off and go somewhere away from here, and gather myself together. i dont' know what i want for myself anymore, i'm just stuck in this crappy state of limbo where i just go about my business but i'm not really happy about it. ugh, i dont' know, i can't think of anything else that i can type without getting too personal, so i'm out.

hooray, i've finally gotten my brother to come down to iu and have a good time, unlike at purdue which is the suckiest place ever cause it sucks! i'm so excited that he's gonna come and get drunk with me and party and actually enjoy a weekend here and there amidst his mountains of homework and what not!

i discovered today that one of my favorite things to do is drink coffee whilst smoking a cigarette. yeah, i'm lame, but it's the little things that make life good:) and now i'm off to work:( but i'm so glad anth is coming to visit!!! yaaaaay:)

this blog is dedicated to my undying eternal love for a mr. christopher charles costley. i would just like to say that i love him so much and i always will. the best thing about us is that even though we haven't seen each other in probably 2 and half years, we're still the best of friends and nothing has changed between us. i spent like almost an hour talking to him last nite, and it just made me so happy to talk with him and hear what's going on in his life and knowing that we're still so close and we love each other so much:) and chris, you better look out cause when i see you this summer (and i WILL see you), i'm going to absolutely MAUL you because i've missed you so much and i love you so much and you're just the best guy in the world!!!! I LOVE YOU MY WHITE SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!!!:)

i'm so confused right now about what i want. i dont' really know which way to go, and what to do about certain things, and i would just love for things to go back to where they were when life was simple and people didn't have such a hold on me. sometimes i'd just like to be stuck on a deserted island where i can't impact anyone and they can't impact me. i think that would just be better sometimes. but i really dont' know. i mean, i guess that's the challenge of life and relationships and friendships, the unpredictability. but for once in my life, i'd like things to make some semblance of sense. ok, maybe not once in my life, but for my life as it is right now to make sense. there's just way too much going on in my "professional" life for me to have to deal with confusing shit in my personal life. but i'll just have to take it with a grain of salt i suppose. and honestly, not too sure if i used that idiom correctly, but oh well:) it's 2:30am and i'm half drunk, so i don't give a shit about proper usage of idioms:) but if anyone has the secret to a stress free, carefree life, give me the 411 already!!!! :P