i miss my boyfriend already, and he hasnt' even left yet :'-(

i'm very tired of the way things are....in general. i realize that despite the fact that i hate routine, in a ways it's really good for me and sometimes i love it. but that's more in reference to school and/or work stuff. in my personal life, i need a good mix of things to keep me interested. otherwise, i find myself searching for something outside my familiar comfort zone, which in turn makes me feel as though my life is lacking in a lot of ways, and that may not even be true! i think everyone's life lacks something or another at any point in time, because it's impossible to have a perfect life. so why am i wasting my imperfect life writing about stuff that the general population already knows?? maybe it's because i'm tired and can't think of anything witty or charming to write, so i'm just writing this.

ps...free jimmy johns at upstairs RULES!!

hey katy, i want the picture of my crotch back! not my picture, no, but it's MY CROTCH!!!! :P

i would just like to say that the post below was written late last nite when i was drunk and being a stupid girl. now that i'm sober and awake and reading it, i'm a little embarrassed about what i said, and i feel bad about some of the things i said concerning bob. but i chose to not go back and delete the post because i think what's written there is important for me to be able to look at and know that i do feel that way sometimes, regardless of the fact that it may be not be what i feel all the time. and it wasn't meant to make bob feel bad or feel guilty, or to even get upset about. this is my journal of sorts, and obviously the things i write about aren't always going to be roses and sunshine. then again, maybe some of the stuff i write about is too personal for my whole group of friends to be reading about. regardless, it's me, and c'mon, like i'm not complicated or anything!! :P

so to finish off, please don't be offended about that post, bob. i wuv u and i was just being me--dumb, too drunk, and blowing things out of proportion as per usual:)

i never thought i'd get drunk the nite before an exam and a midterm...woohoo for new experiences:) on another note, i feel sad right now, because i'm ridiculously relating my life to an episode of sex and the city i watched today. sometimes i feel like i'm not being put into anyone's agenda, particularly the one that i would most like to be included in...i think we all know that that agenda is bob's. and i'm not trying to use this to disparage bob or start a fight, i just sometimes feel like i dont' belong in his vast array of priorities. and i mean, that's ok, i don't expect to be on the forefront of his every action or word, mostly it's just the insecurity talking. but for example, we were talking tonite about spring break, and how it's allegedly the "last time i'll be able to go on spring break with these people." and how "trips build bonds between people." sadly, i feel as though i'm not important enough for him to feel like he needs to "build a bond" with. i know that's not true and i know we already have a strong bond, but i guess these things happen in different forms for each different person, and for once i'd like to feel like i'm an important part of his life in another form besides being there to fall asleep with or being there to watch television with. i mean, i dont' think bob has ever approached me and said "hey, me and you, let's take a trip together" or "let's go somewhere and be together and have fun together." and i'm not downplaying our already established relationship in any way, i love him with all my heart and i know how he feels about me. but i don't feel like i'm the person he would want to take a trip with, or do new, exciting things with, because i'm merely the girlfriend of 2 years who isn't going anywhere. i'm not the new relationship, i'm not the new girlfriend anymore, and i guess that just makes me feel like i've become obsolete in the sense that i'm just another step in a routine.

and bob, if you read this, i'm sorry if anything i've said offends you or makes you mad, but i'm drunk right now and feeling a little low and i dont 'think you'd be able to understand what i'm saying if i were to have said this to you in person, because i fuck things up when i talk....i think it comes across simpler and easier to understand when put into words. but then again, maybe not. i dont 'know, i can only say that this is what i'm feeling right this very minute, and it makes me a little sad. but i'm sorry nonetheless. i need to go to bed now.

"aw yeah, aw right, truth hurts inside.
aw yeah, aw right, you go around once in life.
everybody wants to be a part, everybody loves a situation.
who would ever wanna play the part of anonymous numbers on a governmental chart.
everybody wants to be your friend, when you've got something you can give them.
all i've seen, bad and good
she's not crazy just a little misunderstood."-better than ezra

i think lately my posts are too personal or intimate to be publised on the ol' blog, because everytime i post something about friends or being mad or being annoyed or whatever, it never fails that someone comes to me and says something like "were you talking about me?" or "did i do something that made you mad?" or "you aren't talking about me in your blog, are you?". sometimes i'm just pondering general stuff with no one in mind or sometimes maybe i do have someone in mind when i post certain things. but just think about this: if i really really had a serious impending problem with you, i'd like to think that it would come up between us and not on my blog. i don't use this thing to confront anyone. i use it to put down in words what i'm feeling at the time, and it shouldn't at all be taken personally by anyone, unless i drop specific names with a connotation of disgruntlement, which i would hope my maturity level wouldn't allow;) oh wait, i'm the most immature person ever!! i laugh at the word "fart", i giggle at the mere mention of a boner. i'm such a third grader!! :P

so yeah, all you paranoid peeps out there, don't fret about it. "i ain't mad at cha!" :)

i just thought i'd share with the world that i talked to the hot twins at the hper tonite:) sooo hot! want to touch the hiney!!!

anyway, onto more practical matters....THEY ARE SO HOT! ok, sorry, last outburst about chris and caleb. ANYWAY, i was thinking today about this: if you get annoyed with people often just because of little things they might say or do, does that mean you're an intolerant bitchy person, or does it just mean you're having one of those days, or does it mean you secretly dont' like the person? i'm just curious, because oftentimes i get frustrated or irritated by people, and i think 'ok, am i just having a bad day, or do they always annoy me and i just dont' let it bother me?' i think the answer is that i just hate people in general and am intolerant of stupid people i don't know well enough to be able to tolerate them. i have no idea what i just said :P moooooaaaah

i'd say it's time for some lyrics....

"i got a little bit of reason for everything i've done.
i might just serenade the moonlight.
and i get so lonely in this crowd
i wanna scream but make no sound.
and yeah i'm lost but maybe i'll be fine.
cause when i'm in over my head
i hear the words you said
that someone out there's listening to the same song
feeling the same way that i do.
make me a believer, pick up the receiver.
tell me you feel just like i do, i do."
-BETTER THAN EZRA

i can honestly say that i have done literally only two things today: eat and watch television. i am so lazy and lame. but oh well, that's what sundays are for;) or so i keep telling myself. so i suppose my sundays will continue to be filled with doing nothing and being a lazy bastard. OR i can get off my ass and do something!!! i think i'll start with a shower:)